"Scenes From a Bush Thanksgiving"

If you don't make a point of reading Mark Morford, you ought. His writing is incisive, insightful, and wonderfully irreverant. His characterization of Thanksgiving with shrubya is deliciously outrageous; as tacitly bawdy as the Rude Pundit is explicit, only publishable.

Ah yes, it is that time again...Copious forced laughter that sounds like geese mating in a broom closet. It is Thanksgiving dinner at the Bush White House, where the guests mingle as though their genitals were being squeezed by manic elves, as if they were all coated in vanilla pudding being licked off by Pat Robertson. Which, truth be told, some of them seem to enjoy. A lot.

And you ain't seen nothin' yet! After characterizing Laura's decor as "bought at a Jersey consignment store run by Ethan Allen's stoned brother," he touches upon the bizare Oedipul vibe that whole group seems to be riding.

Barbara rules. Owns the house, despite how she hasn't lived here in over 13 years. Laura can only look at her in numb awe, her own stiff skirt pleats appearing humble and small in comparison to Barb's massive teal dress ensemble, so epic and balloon-like it would seem to envelope all it comes near, like a giant ocean algae bloom, a massive amoeba, a cloud of righteous know-it-allness that makes easy mockery of Laura's little beige blouse of meek sexless humility. Barb is a force of nature, commanding the staff and chatting up the various heads of state and smiling at everyone with that glassy omnivorous stare. They all hate her.

Lest you thought something might be sacred, he also pushes the alcohol button:

George Sr. ...sips his gin fizz and chuckles softly at the scene, thinkin' about golf, thinkin' about how long ago it all seems since his reign of tepid ineptitude, but thinkin', also, about how history will be much kinder to him now that his son has run the country into a blood-drenched wall. He-he-he. He'll drink to that.

...Junior's current miserable poll numbers now mean that he and his father share the honor of being two of the four most unpopular presidents in modern history, right alongside Carter and Nixon. But Bush 41 does not care...his stature has improved considerably, in relation to his son. Damn this gin is good. Too bad Junior can't have some. Looks like he could use it.

Trust me; just go read the whole thing.



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